A Little Bit of Soul (The Soul Mate Phenomenon)

by Tony Harrington

The term soul mate has been tossed around with reckless abandon throughout the ages and has come to mean a pre-assigned lover, the one for whom young girls pine while staring at the night sky through their open bedroom window.

In truth, a soul mate is much more than that, and sometimes they are not lovers at all.

In theory, depending upon with whom you speak, our lives have been mapped out for us and as we begin our journey in life we are simply moving along a predetermined path. Sometimes there are roadblocks and sometimes there are decisions that get us off course but somehow, be it divine intervention or instinct, we right ourselves and end up traversing the course that was laid out for us.

I don’t know for a fact how accurate this is, because I personally seem to make more mistakes than most people on my path to wherever it is I am supposed to be heading which leads me to question this “fate” thing. But I do know that through it all, into my life many wonderful people have come. Conversely, there have been many people who have crossed my path that have been detrimental to my well-being and have  exited my life but not before having tainted it with their mark.

The good and the bad people who have found their way into my life are all soul mates.

Again, that is the true definition of soul-mates, they are the people you are destined to meet and who will alter you in one way or another.

So how does one recognize their soul-mates? Psychics, mediums, and other mystics claim that something in you changes when you meet a soul-mate, that there is a distinct feeling of completeness, like you have found a missing part of yourself.  Even those soul mates who are negative energies in your life give you that complete feeling because they feel so familiar to you and you keep them just long enough for them to do the damage that was pre-determined. It is for this reason that most people in toxic relationships will eventually say something like, “I just knew it, something in the back of my head kept telling me they would do this.”

On the other hand, there are friends and lovers who change you for the better, the ones with whom you bond on a level so intimate that it feels almost supernatural. These are the friends and confidants who know more about you than your own family, the ones who know when something is wrong without you having to say a word and they are your biggest cheerleaders but they are just as quick to tell you when you are wrong. When these positive people enter your life it is almost like falling in love. Your brain becomes flooded with positive thoughts, your stomach tightens and you look forward to hearing from them again.

The internet has helped people connect with their soul-mates where it would have been next to impossible. I have on my Facebook friends list a woman whom I have never met, never talked to outside of responding to Facebook statuses, and wouldn’t know her if I passed her on the street. She was added when I was playing a game and needed people in my group. When I stopped playing the game I deleted everyone but when it came time to delete her my finger just lingered over the “delete” button and something in me would not allow me to remove her.  I am still unsure why I could not delete her, she was just a random person I picked up while playing a stupid vampire game on a social network. But of ALL the people, and I mean hundreds of them, she is the only one who remained on my friends list after I stopped playing the game. I am still unsure as to why, but it feels right having her in my life for some unknown reason. She remains on my friends list to this date, and knowing her in the miniscule way I do makes me happy.

Author Jane Cranmer (Ancestors & Angels) and contributing columnist for the blog (This Haunted Isle) wrote to me one day out of the blue and said she would like to contribute articles for the site. I looked at her name on the email for a good five minutes before I even read it. Just seeing her name gave me a feeling of familiarity even though I never met her and there is an ocean separating us. Over a few short weeks I was cheering her on as her book readied publication, I was there to proclaim my support for her as her book became available for sale. She sent me an autographed copy and I reviewed it for her and managed to call her old and wrinkly in my review (I called her “wizened” instead of “wisened” which in hindsight I should have just said “wise” since “wisened” isn’t really a word anyway.)  but she took it in stride and now I watch her updates with rapt enthusiasm as she gains fans and watches her ranking fluctuate up and down the charts. I am proud of her and my heart overflows with admiration and adoration for whom most people would qualify a complete stranger.

The SPIRIT Seekers afforded me the opportunity to meet a handful of people who I felt I had gone through my who life searching for. When I met the group I felt like I had arrived home after a long journey. I believe I was supposed to be a part of this and that the members of the group are my soul mates.

I am sure that if you analyze your life and look at it as an observer you too will notice that the people in your life seem to have fallen into their role by fate, the perfect circumstances that led you to them and them to you. That is the true beauty of soul-mates…it is not one-sided, they need you just as much whether it is as a friend, lover, or even an enemy. Regardless of how wrong an enemy does you, you still take something away from them and therefore they have served a purpose, no matter how heinous or painful it was.

Do you believe in soul mates? Do you have an alternate theory on the phenomenon? Who are your soul mates and how have they changed your life?  Share your stories with us and who knows, by interacting you just might discover that someone who has been missing from your life.

2 thoughts on “A Little Bit of Soul (The Soul Mate Phenomenon)

  1. I met my soulmate online. He is from a foreign country. I believe he is my soulmate because I doubt if he is my twin soul. He told me I had changed him for the better.

  2. Let me tell you what I think about the soulmate phenomenon.

    I was a sensitive child but my parents were self-absorbed. My emotional development became arrested because I received poor nourishment and attention as a child. Their love was conditional. It was withdrawn if I did not follow the rules. Because of that, I constantly sensed abandonment at any time. I became emotionally dependent even though I am strong person and have all the traits of an independent woman. I subconsciously felt deprived of unconditional love and consequently, I was hungry for it.

    When my supposed soulmate found me, he sensed my wound. He has a great ability to sense what one is missing. I felt we shared the same pain. I saw myself in him. That created a connection. The sadness I saw in his eyes moved me to rescue him from his sadness, to give him all the love that he lacked. I created a strong connection with this man. I was unconsciously expecting him to return me the favor. At the end, he did not have the emotional resources to return the favor. He is completely blocked. He shut down his feelings. He is too afraid to approach his feelings. When I insisted on becoming more intimate, he distanced himself. He was constantly asking me if I really loved him. He was sensing that I was expecting something that he could not give me and that I would eventually abandon him. And he became so afraid that he started to control me and then he became very aggressive which accelerated the abandonment.

    What I really needed was a connection with myself. Not with a soulmate. The strong connection I felt with this other person was created by seeing my pain in his pain. He mirrored my wound and I felt moved to love him. I could not see the wound in me but I saw it in him. I was not really loving him but trying to love me through him and that is why it felt so strong.

    When I was able to see through the fog, then I realized a shorter way to loving me. By reprogramming the old habit of caring for others more than I care for myself.

    Imagine that you are your own son or daughter and then care for yourself the way you would care for them. This way you create a direct passage for love from you to you. You then need not a soulmate to do this for you. This is healthy self-love. This builds self-esteem and self- respect. It places your power in you and not in others. And it places you in the right state of mind to protect yourself from predators.

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